How to talk about money when you’re dating or getting married

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By: sanderspatricia29
on 24th Oct,2016

This is because most of couples commit financial infidelity in a relationship and later quarrel about it several times.
How to talk about money when you’re dating or getting married


Couples are afraid to talk about “money” while dating since

  1. the topic is not at all romantic
  2. this topic is most likely going to end up with lots of differences in opinion.

But, according to the relationship experts, this topic needs more attention when couples are going to start a serious relationship.

You need to have a detailed discussion on money while dating your partner. This is because most of couples commit financial infidelity in a relationship and later quarrel about it several times.

So, are you thinking to turn your casual dating into serious relationship? If yes, then you need to read this article and move forward accordingly.

How to talk about money when you're dating

Don't feel ashamed or afraid to discuss about finances. Ask freely while dating your partner. Here's a step by step guideline:

1. Ask about his/her profession

Try to talk about career while dating. This is the way to know the person's goal and his/her thoughts regarding future and most importantly about the earnings. It may be little early to ask about salary, job advantages or extra income. But asking about future goal can give you an idea about the potential earnings. Ask in this way:

  • What type of job is perfect match for you?
  • What do you want to do in next 5-6 years?
  • What is your dream project?

2. Know your partner's spending habit

If you want to get a clear picture of your partner's money habit, then you need to play some tricky games while dating.

Plan a vacation together. Thus you can get idea about the person's habit. Example: if you find your partner is always talking about executive class while planning a vacation or is very excited about the suite at hotel and he/she seems frustrated by the idea of economic class or less expensive hotels then your partner may not be a fond of frugality. Ask your partner:

  • Are you interested for vacation budgeting?
  • Should we limit our vacation spending?
  • Will you like the idea of splitting the overall cost?
  • Our first vacation should be planned according to our income. Is it ok with you?

3. Ask your partner's money secret

This is the most serious topic everybody needs to be clear before starting a relationship. Galena Rhoades, Ph.D. professor with the Center for Marital and Family Studies at the University of Denver, said, “Before you make any kind of commitment, and definitely before moving in together, you want to know about any debt.” Its very important to share all your money truth such as your incurred college debt, credit card debts, your credit score, money mistake you've done etc. Disclose your past debt that has been already solved as well. Because being transparent with each other is the key of a successful relationship. Ask your partner in this way:

  • I have checked my credit score recently. It still needs my attention. what about yours?
  • How was your college day?
  • Would you mind to share about your first job interview?

If your partner's credit score is good after paying off student loan debt, then the person have the ability to manage money with responsibility and you can depend on him/her as well.

4. Be practical regarding bills and payments

Conversation is very important regarding the topic such as bill sharing (rent, groceries, mortgage, utilities, vacation etc.) once you decide to get married. As per experts, couples hardly share this type of conversation before marriage. As a result they experience hurdles in future. As per example, if your marriage doesn't work out then it becomes difficult to end the marriage as there's no such structure and no one can help you to sort out your finances while divorce. So, you need to be very practical in order to strengthen the after marriage relationship. Ask your partner:

  • Is it ok with you to split every bills as 50:50 or 60:40?
  • Will you mind if both of our names be on the mortgage?
  • Should we both keep savings account?

5. Ask your partner about his/her savings habit

Though you can get an idea of your partner's saving habit from his spending habit but sharing both of yours savings plan can help you to set up a financial plan that actually work after marriage. Ask your partner:

  • How do you define “savings”?
  • What amount will give us a secured future?
  • Should we save a certain amount of money from every paycheck?

How to talk about money when you get married

Money topic is always a killer of romance but after getting married, each couple should talk about money because it becomes a serious part of your conjugal life. If both of you're not on the same money page then it can get worse day by day. So, try to start money talk at the initial stage of your marriage to have a peaceful and loving married life.

Dilemma of Yours, Mine or Ours?

Married couple get confused when they start thinking in terms of “yours, mine or ours?” According to the experts married couple can easily talk about money. It doesn't matter, all couple should open joint account in order to establish their commitment. Galena Rhoades, said “I think it's a sign of commitment when couples are able to manage their finances together, if they feel comfortable to talk and make decision about money then life becomes more easier.”

The question you may ask to each other:

  • How do you maintain bank accounts?
  • Do you want to divide your money?
  • How the bank accounts will be funded?
  • Which account is dedicated for daily spending?

Try to be agreed upon mutually. Thus, you can build trust and more comfort zone in your relationship.

Don't judge, respect your spouse

The most common topic almost every couple had fight on it, is “how much you spend?”. Your husband can ask you how much you spend on this designer dress? Or you may feel bad on the gym bill every month he rarely visit. Try to talk to each other and set up a mutual limitation for personal spending for each month. Try to set a plan that both of you can maintain. Proper planning and discussion can sort out daily money clash between married couples. So, respect your spouse's spending habit instead of judging. Thus, you can set peace and a proper budget as well!

Future planning: The most controversial topic

Future planning is must in every relationship. According to Galena Rhoades, “It's a terrible conversation to have but it is really important to plan for the future. Couples can do that well when they have a good relationship.” Saving for future will give you support in any kind of emergencies like job loss, accidents, health issues and retirement age. But, this topic usually create many problems as every person have their own view regarding future financial planning, investment steps so on.

For instance, some men are not serious about retirement planning. They hardly contribute money on retirement account. Rather they liked to spend money on family and friends without thinking about getting the money back. That his wife doesn't support at all. On the other hand, many husbands have obligation for his wife's extravagant and lavish lifestyle. The husband wants his wife to save money and cut the unnecessary cost to secure their future.

In this case, both of you need to be clear about your future financial goal. Sit and decide your financial priorities and plan accordingly. Start your future mission as a team and treat the money according to your plan. Thus, you can avoid clash and can get smooth financial support without much sacrifice. Apart from retirement planning, buying mortgage, vacation, student loan also be included.

Conclusion:

It's not true that where ideas are same fights doesn't exist. Differences in thoughts are very common as every person have different perception. But once you start sharing and talking you can easily handle those differences.

Thus, you can minimize money problems, financial infidelity in your relationship as well. Relationship expert Kailen Rosenberg said, “Talk about your money, talk about your finances, talk about how you have been saving until you met each other and how you want to start saving together now. Talk about how we are going to not only invest this money, but how we are going to spend this money and how we are going to share this money.”

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